Over the past 17 years, I have been very busy doing lots of Vulvo-Vaginal research. An endlessly fascinating body of study. It never ceases to amaze me – just what this incredible female organ is capable of, how intricately linked to all our complexities, nuances, and psychology she is, how much she can change in colour, shape, size. The fluid that she conjures and lets go of in all its different viscosity, her scents of fecundity and the deep oceans, the ability to open to such enormity that a baby can pass through and the ability to become smaller and more private once more. Her ability for intense amounts of pleasure.
Human brains are hardwired to seek out pleasure and we are only just beginning to understand why. What’s clear is that our levels of pleasure and satisfaction are directly related to our biochemical balance.
Our brains are networked with what scientists refer to as “reward pathways” and “reward centers.” When stimulated by activities we experience as pleasurable (from good flavors and aromas to beautiful music and fabulous sex), these pathways trigger the release of neurotransmitters, endorphins, and peptides associated with positive emotion.
The proper balance and interaction of these substances, in turn, help to create the biochemical and psychosocial conditions that support well-being and that help counter the effects of stress.
Experiencing pleasure is not optional; it is a necessity for wellbeing on every level.
Knowing our own bodies can prove quite fruitful in the exploration and pursuit of pleasure, there are many paths to pleasure and many pleasures to be had, I am writing here of sexual, sensual pleasure. My experience has been that accessing pleasure in my body and spilled out into my life in strange and delicious ways.
So, it is helpful to know what I am about to share with you.
All people own an extraordinary, complex, and elegant arousal system full of vascular erectile tissue. Erectile tissue is tissue in the body with numerous vascular spaces that can engorge with blood.
It is generally known that men have erectile tissue, right, that’s what makes his penis hard, it’s an obvious transformation, from the soft, unobtrusive organ into a resolute and hard spire, an obvious physiological movement.
Now here is the thing that not many of us know, women have as much of this magnificent inflatable tissue as men do!!!!
Although the female erectile apparatus is equivalent in size to that of a male, it’s not as obvious. Mostly in the sex-ed pics we see the tiny head of the clitoris which is only the tip of the volcano. Women have an interlocking set of sexual pleasure parts, most of which are unknown or misunderstood.
For women to reach their full sexual capacity/bloom they need to discover this network of erectile circuits. When the entire system is fully activated women can easily expand their arousal and access amazing orgasmic states….. I bet you never learned that in Sex Ed at school.
How well do you know your own arousal? How often have you given yourself the time to watch or feel what happens ‘down there’, or to move through arousal slowly enough to feel the different stages. When your VV is allowed to traverse to full bloom she can engage any sized object, depending on your preference, and potentially be in immense pleasure…. And the object does not have to be big for you to have that deep pleasure.
The buck stops with the vagina owning person, to know their own arousal and to know your own arousal is an exquisite exploration if you dare and to make it even more accessible you can totally explore on your own in fact I recommend it, exploring with another person brings another set of circumstances, start with yourself.
If you don’t know what’s there you don’t know how to explore thoroughly nor do our partners and you can’t teach them unless you know how to do it for yourself… even if you are a vagina owning person with another vagina owning person you will have your own delicious set of nuances and complexities.
So try this, and know it’s worth a try even if you are unorgasmic (as in never having experienced orgasm or it’s difficult for you to allow orgasm)… there are stages of sexual learning, even if you have been sexually active for eons!
The following exercise is for everyone, it takes courage to brave the novice status and this exercise is eternally helpful and you will build on it.
“All serious daring starts from within.”Eudora Welty
This is not about orgasm, it’s about getting to know your arousal system and how it feels when it activates.
You can do this anywhere anytime, a bath is a beautiful place to start but a comfy private place will suffice.
You can go to town making the place of your choice delicious, thinking of it like you are about to seduce yourself so candles, smells, soft lightening, music, oils, you know what to do.
Get comfy, place a hand over your belly, the soft part and a hand over your heart, allow yourself to sink… give yourself 12 minutes to melt into the following guided meditation.